People who are miserable love company because it allows them to complain about the things they actually can do something about. They just need an ear that will listen to their cries and allow them to choose suffering instead of healing. Some people just want to call upon you because they want to keep a piece of your positivity with them to make them feel normal. They have to say something negative about what you are doing so that they can feel good about themselves. I am not talking about those folks who are struggling with life situations and come to you to seek sincere advice or help because they value the relationship rather I am talking about those who just don’t want to see you succeed at whatever you are seeking to achieve.
Tips to get rid of those who are toxic:
1. Become unavailable to anyone who seems to always complain about what’s not happening in their life when you share the exciting things that have been happening in your life . It’s a TRAP! You are doing more harm to them when you make yourself available for their complaints. You are not giving them the push they really need to make anything happen you are just giving them the easy way out. If you care about them let them know that you are quite busy and that you think they have everything they need to find a solution to whatever it is they are going through and to pray and be patient. If you can stick in there try to help them come up with a plan to fix their situation then go for it! If they seem resistant then back off and let them be. Pray for them. God will send someone else who is more qualified. You and that person are not on the same page so things will start to frustrate you and then you may end up giving up what you truly want because they have drained you. You don’t need all of that negative energy!
2. Tune out the sarcasm – When people make sarcastic comments about your goals and dreams they just don’t believe in you and could care less if you become successful. In fact they would rather you not become successful so they could have something to be RIGHT about for their own misconceptions about becoming successful. When someone says something sarcastic and you find it hard to just shake it off say “Thank You” with a big darn smile and walk away telling them to have a great day! It’s one of those “kill them with kindness” methods that leaves that person looking real foolish when it’s all said and done.
3. Choose who you share your vision with- You are ultimately the only one who can see your vision clearly and will be the only one to see it manifested. Those who don’t believe in you won’t care about it. They will tell you it’s foolish and totally impossible. They will laugh at you and tell you what they think you should be doing. They say things like “IT’S NEVER GOING TO HAPPEN, YOU DON’T HAVE WHAT IT TAKES, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK SOMEBODY ELSE IS NOT DOING THE SAME THING, YOU ARE WASTING YOUR TIME, JUST FORGET ABOUT IT, YOU’RE CRAZY ETC…
All of these comments are toxic and come out of the mouth of the toxic person. TUNE THEM OUT TOTALLY!!!
4. Beware of those individuals who want you to “play small” or “dim your light”! These folks just want you to make them feel comfortable in their fears and in their insecurities. Don’t let them do this! Be you! If they cannot handle all of that light you have coming from you then they will have to move on! Why should you compromise who you truly are just to make somebody feel good with not wanting to do the same for themselves? It;s not your fault that they want to stay in stuck mode! You actually are doing them a favor by being you because it just might be enough to give them the permission they need to be their authentic self!
5. Value yourself if you want others to do the same. You teach people how to treat you by how you treat yourself!
Let’s Get Moving!!!! Now I know some of us may really be in tune with these words while the rest of us just are sitting and waiting until something major happens that gives us no other option but to MOVE!!! Like waiting to be inspired by seeing friends or people whom you’ve never met get married, have a baby, graduate college, launch a biz and sad of all death. I have noticed that people go crazy pressing the like button for all that I have just mentioned but fail to press the “I WANT TO WIN” button, which currently does not exist by the way!(smile!)
I just recently completed a 7 day challenge via facebook called “Shift Your Life” and many participated but only a few publicly let everyone know they were involved by their liking and sharing. I was challenged by 1 of my colleagues to see if Facebook was a platform that could be used to get people to TAKE ACTION and I realized something. I realized that some people caught on to the challenge right away and others caught on around the 3rd or 4th day and a little more near the end. This says to me that some people just need a lot more mindset motivation. They have all these goals but their readiness to achieve them is like finding a lizard in a field of tall grass. Their readiness cannot be easily found because they fear something. They may fear the unknown outcome of a shift in their life, success, failure etc… but it is definitely fear or simply procrastination and laziness. Notice I did not give any other reasons? Well if I gave a thousand reasons you surely could find one to attach yourself to and be content to say “THIS IS MY REASON AND I AM STICKING TO IT” but the only thing that you will achieve is a NEW EXCUSE NOT TO TAKE ACTION!!! It may sound harsh but I am a Mental Fitness Coach and I only want to see you come out winning like those football and basketball coaches want to see their guys win the championships!! You know how they start foaming at the mouth and jumping up and down on the sidelines while motivating their players! They are loud and TO THE POINT!!! You don’t have to listen because it’s a CHOICE AND THE CHOICE IS YOURS!!!
If you want a real shift you and no one else can give you room for EXCUSES!!! If you are waiting for everything to be perfect before you start, TRUST ME, you will almost NEVER GET STARTED!!! Sometimes it is in our storms where we find out what we are truly made of!!! You have to OWN YOUR GOALS AND THEY MUST ATTRACT YOU!!! If you are not ready to eat then don’t fish! Hey I am roughing it too! It is not easy AT ALL and if someone told you that THEY ARE TRULY LIYING!!!
We have to dress our minds for success otherwise our bodies won’t be attracted to it and ACTION JUST WON’T HAPPEN!!!
So Let’s Get Moving!!!! We have work to do! Out of maybe 7 participants to the “Shift Your Life” challenge ,2 have chosen to MOVE FORWARD and hire me as their coach to help them get MOVING! The challenge was only to awaken your subconscious and make you itch a little for success but choosing to go further will cause you to JUMP OUT OF YOUR SKIN TO WIN!!!
P.S. God Willing! See you on the other side of change because I no longer live in contemplation!Its not about Balance but it’s about a Harmonious Journey towards success!
Your Mental Fitness Coach,
Ukhtee Walida-Herspiring Bizness-“It’s Time”
Sooooo… It’s been a while since I have been posting to my blog and it is due to some very big changes taking place in my life! I am so excited about all the changes that have been taking place and have to be careful that i dont trip trying to get to my laptop to share my journey with you all!
January 2015- I met an amazing man from The Gambia! He is Mandingo and speaks an array of languages!
March 2015- We got married and I have never had such a beautiful gathering in my entire life up until then! It was amazingly awesome! Delicious, mouth watering, Gambian food(Benichin and Dibi-Lamb and Rice), beautiful Gambian sisters and family as well as my NY and NJ family, Entertainment till almost midnight and just a lot of dua being made for my zawj and I.
October 2015- Joined a sisters group called Compassionate Women as part of an organization called Compassion in Action(www.compassioninaction.org) in Newark,NJ
October 2015- Co-Founded a group called Task Force For At Risk Youth-Consists of Muslim Professionals in the area of Counseling, Education, Mentorship,Psychology, Business and Life Coaching working towards a common goal and vision to help the youth become the best version of themselves! Members are from the tri state area, Maryland,and Georgia. One of our biggest projects involves a movement to travel to Ghana with 10 girls and 5 boys in July 2016. https://www.facebook.com/American-Youth-Ambassadors-to-Ghana-Sankofa-Program-1556968381288381/?sk=timeline&app_data
November 2015- I gave birth to a Mandingo Prince who is making my day EVERYDAY!!! He is such an amazing baby!Alhamdulilah!He is number 7 in my tribe of now 4 boys and 3 girls! I really am starting to wonder how I gave birth and are trying to raise this many children! Amazing!Allahu Akbar!
December 2015- We had an awesome Aqiqa(naming ceremony) for my little Prince! Sooo much fun and again DUAS for him to live a very good and upright life!
This was also a sad time for me because in this month my father returned to Allah! I was so in shock and disbelief but I tok my time and accepted Allahs decree. I am still not settled but I am okay except for when I have really cool ideas and just want to talk to my dad about it and get his insight or when I just want to hear my dad’s voice again reminding me of Allah and also giving me hope as a mother! I miss him so much words cannot express! So I ask that you all pray that Allah widen his grave, illuminate his grave, show him his place in jannah, grant him jannatul firdaus, forgive him, reward him, protect him gfrom the fire and from the torture of the grave-Ameen!
February 2016- I opened up my workshop series production, ‘It’s Time’, once again by facilitating the first workshop called “Winning from Within in Newark, NJ at the Compassion In Action. The turn out was great and the women left in good spirit!
March 2016- My editor has sent me my manuscript to re-read and make any adjustments and that has been going well so I look forward to finally publishing this book that I feel is taking me FOREVER TO FINISH! LOL! The title is called ‘Permission To Win’. I am also learning to speak Mandinka because I plan to visit Gambia soon In shaa Allah!
WHAT ELSE? WHAT ELSE? WHAT ELSE? I KNOW RIGHT?
Anywayz be on the look out for some more exciting stuff! I will be posting my journey a little more now so you wont want to miss out! Let me inspire you with my stories if that is all I can do! I will be happy to know that you were able to get out your funk and start moving towards your better! You can do it! I know you can! I want you to win!This post may not be for everyone but it is for someone out there!!! If it is you let it lift you up and off the bottom where you have been shrinking yourself not knowing where to go or how to move. You got this gurl!
Salaams for now and I only hope to drop by and inspire you again!
Are you a reactive or proactive person? Let me give you a brief background of both. To be reactive it means that you wait for life to happen. When an event occurs then you scurry and run wild like a chicken without a head trying to fix whatever has gone wrong in hopes that it will not happen again! Sooner than you think you are back at doing the same thing you hoped not to do and it has become repetitive and frustrating! You don’t bother to plan accordingly you just wait and hope. On the other hand,to be proactive it means that you think about what you can do about situations by studying patterns.Patterns are apparent when you are focused and determined. For example,in the past you may have driven your car until it was empty on gas just thinking you could go just a few more miles.Your car was always running out of gas often and you were always getting stuck on the road and having to call someone for help. You did this quite often and heard others repeatedly say “you need to get it together”. You even thought, “there is nothing I can really do about it”! That was the reactive side of you! Now to make the switch to being proactive you may realize that there was a pattern involved with how you dealt with the situation and the outcome was always undesirable. Your speech now is “I will figure out a way to keep my car filled with gas by filling my tank on Sundays and put at least $20 in the tank every Thursday so I won’t have to worry about running out of gas”. You even take it a step further by budgeting $60 a week for gas and put the money aside just for that. You have a plan in place and not just one plan but maybe two or three. You anticipate what will occur, to some degree, and plan according to the outcome you desire. Now we know that we do not have total control over any outcome but as a proactive person you seek the one that makes sense and put forth your best effort and put your trust in Allah because He has total control.
You see, being proactive means you take full responsiblity for what happens to you. Simply put, YOU MAKE LIFE HAPPEN FOR YOU! You don’t sit around finding excuses to stay stuck in situations and blame others for what happens or what goes wrong. You know that only you can truly plan and take action to change ypur circumstances. You are not choosing to complain, but willing to TAKE ACTION to make your situation better.
Here are a few questions you may want to take a close look at when shifting from a reactive life to one that is proactive.
How do you view the world around you?
Do you easily become annoyed with situations beyond your control?
Do you believe that you are responsible for what happens to others?
Do you think you are responsible for what happens to you?
Are you willing to give up worrying about things that you have no control over?
What can you do in your life that would bring about change?
When are you willing to start?
Who can you trust to help hold you accountable?
Am I willing to get help when needed?
Am I willing to “keep on keepng on” when I get stuck instead of giving up?
Here are some expert tips on creating youtube videos to BRAND yourself and make some MONEY. This is a new venture I am embarking on and I searched to find some expert advice about it!
According to Entrepreneur.com, when creating youtube videos you should:
- Upload content regularly
- Focus on making videos with good content that are also high-quality
- Put time and effort into editing your videos
- Make videos based on what‘s popular on the Internet
- Make sure you add tags when uploading videos
- Use key words so people see your video
- Be sure to advertise your videos on Facebook, Twitter and other social networking sites.
Over the last 10 years up until recently women have been moving toward high paying careers, higher education post grad school, and entrepreneurship all while being wives or single mothers and raising children.
According to an infographic about the increasing rate of breadwinning moms at http://www.citytowninfo.com,they are becoming the primary breadwinners of over 40 percent of households in America with children under the age of 18. It is probably no surprise to you that, among these women, there are more breadwinning women single than married. Single mothers really have no choice when it comes to who will provide for the household! On the other hand, married women are either stay at home mothers who choose to work from home by establishing a home based business or have full-time employment outside of the home.
If you are a single mother and trying to make ends meet this information may give you relief to know that almost half of the households in America are single mothers raising children and bringing home the bread! YOU ARE NOT ALONE! Don’t give up hope.
If you are a stay-at home mother or work full-time at a job then this information may lead you to want to dig deeper to know why so many women are working and more fathers are staying at home. The roles of men and women are switching way too much for me personally! Your research may bring about new possibilities for you and your family. Maybe it will motivate and empower you to start a business or transform your home based business into a family business to supplement your husband’s income so that he can stay in his role rather than switching roles with you because employers are willing to offer you more. These days almost everybody is looking to have financial freedom and more time with family so it would greatly benefit us to start looking at all of this from another perspective than to just give up and switch roles.
Men were created to maintain and protect women and children!
Allah says: “Men are the protectors and maintainers of women because of what Allah has preferred one with over the other and because of what they spend to support them from their wealth.” [Sûrah al-Nisâ’: 34]
NEED TO FIND START-UP MONEY FOR YOUR NEW BIZ?
Many women entrepreneurs are going nuts about how they will get start up funding for their new business ventures without having to ask for a loan. Some try fundraising, working a part time job and save, ask family and friends etc… Others are taking advantage of small business grants.
I just recently found out about a grant called the Amber Grant. I bumped into it while browsing the net for information on how to fund my business. The Amber Grant awards $500-$1000 to women entrepreneurs every month. There is a short application process(only a few minutes) and they choose a new recipient of the grant each month of the year. The next deadline for entry is August 31, 2014 so hurry fast and submit your application.
Information about the Amber Grant can be found at http://womensnet.net/get-an-amber-grant/
I sure hope you take advantage of this opportunity and pass on this great news to other women entrepreneurs whom you may know!