Inspired by Hujrah Wahhaj’s article “Back on Track after a low point” featured in ILM online magazine.http://ilmonlinemag.com/ilm/#family
I was my own obstacle,fearing what would happen and ready for all that could go wrong. I knew that being scared was not going to help but it was a state of being in which I felt most comfortable. I wanted so much yet I was not prepared to receive. I made supplication to my Lord many nights. Prostration was my refuge from the pain I had been feeling for so long. I would often stay in prostration and fall asleep, awakening with shivers and wondering if I finished praying the obligatory prayer.
I was told, upon leaving my family’s home, that I would be provided, protected and maintained for. I waited and waited and waited but this day I could wait no longer! Years of broken promises, enough to write a novel or two, was all that I had received. I came from a family of hard working men and women, no slacking. I entered college with a mindset that I was going to be successful. I gave all of this up the day I left home! I guess i was in a world of fantasy,in my own mind. I guess I wanted to be loved, cared for and appreciated. When the opportunity seemed to present itself ,I took it.
This opportunity left me at an all time low not once but several times, even years. I was determined to keep family together and strive for success, however. I was often misunderstood and unappreciated. I would often tell myself that it was meant for me to not be treated according to the rights that The Creator gave me and that I was not worthy, unintelligent, and unattractive. No one was there to tell me different or encourage me to think different. I was lived away from the only family that I knew, at a distance close to 2 hours or more.
I will stop here because my purpose for telling a piece of my own journey is to give you a sense of how I was feeling and why I was feeling this way!
It was the month of September 2010. I knew that something drastic was going to take place but I knew only Allah truly knew what it would be! I felt the need to become who I had left off to be 10 years prior. I had realized that I did not know who I was and how I got where I was. I began to reflect upon the 10 years journey starting from the day I left home up until this day. I wanted freedom from a self imposed mind imprisonment. I wanted change and I was the only one holding back the change that I wanted. I felt like I was not good enough to be the wife I was, the mother I was or the companion I was to anyone! I was feeling so helpless, unwanted, unappreciated, and unloved.
One night I pleaded for my freedom and received a text granting me the freedom I longed for. I felt like I had lost my mind. But what for? This is what I wanted right? Well I sure thought so until the moment came! I decided to continue with plans to move to New Jersey despite a home divided. I had enough money to pay the security deposit for the apartment I had found the week before and $10 to my name. I was going to a place where I had no family or friends. Everyone offered their thoughts, telling me to reconsider moving. I was determined to leave and seek change.
It has been almost two years since the day I moved here in December of 2010 and I have to say that I am very proud of myself for thinking of myself and putting my trust in Allah. I knew that He would provide for me and He has. I am still climbing the ladder to fulfill my goal of coaching women across the globe to connect with their passions and take action to move forward with their lives. I have an undying passion to see us women exceed the expectations that society sets upon us as Muslim women. We are the best of wives, business women, companions, and mothers.
No one said the road to success and happiness would be easy and in fact if it were too easy we would not appreciate all it has to offer. You have to believe in you! Keep a positive mind, positive dialogue with yourself, and stop cheating yourself. You deserve the best conversation/dialogue with yourself because it is what motivates and inspires you to be the best you! We all have to start somewhere so pick your starting point and go for it!
Here are some tips for you:
1. Believe in You! Believe in The Creator and know that He made no mistakes when creating you!
2. Give Yourself a chance
3. Better your best!
4. Feed your mind with Positive thoughts about yourself!
5. Stay clear of being hard on yourself! Success comes in stages!
6. Change negative emotional habits by stating positive things about who you are and would like to accomplish!
You Can Do It!!!
Walida Muhammad-Personal Growth Expert and Entrepreneur Coach for Women
Founder and CEO of Herspire